Deegan contemplating in Alcatraz solitary.

So we are currently about 1 month in from Dylan’s official “quit date”, and Im starting to form a few observations about this whole unschooling gig, other than the idea that I may be just a totally insane, shoddy parent;)

All of the literature, blogs and general commentary suggest that once begun, this odyssey of free-form living and learning will start to take a shape and flow of its own.  I think that of all the difficulties in choosing this path for my kids (or letting them choose, in Deegan’s case), having faith that it was going to be anything other than a complete and total shit-show was the most difficult aspect.  Just let it happen they say, it will be amazing they say…..yeah, amazing, or more likely a disaster I thought.  There is a decent amount of fear of the unknown with this, but the promise was still profoundly attractive.

Its curious though, recognizing just how indoctrinated I am into the idea of a daily protocol. An endless path of points of completion, goals met in curriculum and skills demonstrated to the level.  I HATE that crap, and yet I still find myself feeling like I am letting the boys get irretrievably behind by not participating in it.  I still feel it, but its slowly evolving.

From a very basic perspective, Im recognizing small changes in our daily interactions.  For example, there is a LOT more love and affection going on in the house these days.  Hugs are continuous, saying “I love you” and smiles are served up hourly and now that the whole dynamic of monitoring school items has been reduced…..everyone is generally getting along much, much better.  There is still a fair amount of “Im bored” ‘s going on, but when I ask Dylan to go outside or find something to do to occupy himself, he is getting better each day at accomplishing this.  I didn’t realize before how profoundly inept he was at doing things for himself or taking initiative before this.  He relies so heavily on being told what to do, directed and stimulated by everything around him…..that simple things like getting dressed, personal hygiene and organizing even his own imaginative play, were really really suffering, if not happening at all.  I cant believe I wasn’t able to perceive that before.

And so it goes that without pouring through online learning options, researching at-home study plans and forcing him to adopt online learning games in favor of video games (miserable fail), I have come up with a perfectly tailored curriculum just from observation.  The kid needs to learn how to take care of himself with basic needs. He needs to learn some independence and stretch out his imagination.  Stimulate his interests by exploring on his own and creative play.  The boy is 8 years old and I was missing ALL of this! The relief of knowing that I have something to work with now, outside of just orchestrating a colossal, ruinous free-for-all…..feels so amazing.  For the very first time as a parent, I don’t feel totally inept at recognizing how to support my kids exactly where they are at.  I feel like the rat race of public school has been dragging me right along too, and its my great shame to admit that I was just hiding from it and pretending that I gave a damn…..when in reality I was just hoping that someday it would end and I could finally REALLY connect with my kid’s experience of the world.  How sad and pathetic is that?

Regardless of my guilt over it, I am now feeling more connected and supportive of my kids than I ever have.  I feel like I can help now, like I can make a difference.